You wanna know the truth mom, why we are distanced. Its because your busy with your life and I'm busy with mine. When you're home, I'm not. When I'm home, you're not. Even if we both are at home, You'll be in you bedroom or i'll be in mine. I know i care more about my friends but thru them only can I let out all my miseries. I wanna tell you but you're hardly there. Sometimes I scream at you, shout at you, being rude and all those things, cos I annoyed. How you're being biased and all. You might not know this but I feel that you're not being fair with me with the rest of my brothers. Whatever they ask, you give. What they did, right or wrong, you still pushed the blame on me. I'm still upset about the Sec 3 camp thing. 2nd bro goes to penang, which you let. But me? Pulau ubin, a 5 minutes boat ride, you dont allow. You think thats fair? NO. Sorry, but I really feel you being biased btwn me and 2nd brother. Because I break a couple of rules and he doesn't is it? Cos he listen to you and I dont. I admit, I was mad at you for lots of things but I try to forget and forgive but after I did so, new problem arises. I try to understand you. I try my best to be a good son, a good brother but with lots of problems going on in my life, how am I to handle this stress. I hardly get enough sleep, thinking what will happen when I wake up the next day. A lot of things are going thru my mind. How am I going to go through the day alone. You think I have friends I'm happy. There's only one friend that I can count on, Tor. The rest mock me, disrespect me and treat me badly. I tell everything to Tor. I ask for advice. I know I should be asking you but where are you? Busy working. To support the family. How to share? Saying sorry is eay but its hard to mean what to say. I, Muhammad Shazuan bin Mohamed Shah, sincerely apologise for what ever happen or whatever I did. I'm sorry mom and I love you. Thank you.

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